Don’t Die, Punk, Pain, and Pouring Drinks

What happens when your parents move out and leave you the house, your neighborhood gets rough, your body hurts daily, and you still refuse to lose your sense of humor? Steve “Stevie” Lofgren joins Siobhan for a raw, hilarious, and deeply human ride through punk rock, grief, dive bars, and growing older on his own terms.

Summary

Steve “Stevie” Lofgren might technically be “just” a bartender, but this conversation makes it clear he’s also a philosopher in a leather jacket, the kind you meet at 1am who accidentally helps you rethink your whole life. Siobhan and Stevie trace their friendship from late-night bar hangs to 4am world-saving sessions, then dive headfirst into his wild, unfiltered Oakland upbringing.

Growing up in 70s/80s Oakland as one of the only white kids on the block, Stevie learned early that neighborhood codes mattered more than police, respect kept you safe, and you absolutely did not mess with your neighbors. He shares stories of hippie parents, beaded doorways, and a household where mom’s boyfriend lived with dad. Until the bombshell moment when his parents moved out while he was still in high school, leaving him and his brother the house, a hundred bucks on the fridge, and zero supervision. Cue legendary parties, punk bands, early acting gigs, and a lifetime of DIY survival skills.

From there, the conversation moves through grief and loss, friends dying too young, cancer ripping through people they love, and how both of them learned to live with grief instead of being swallowed by it. They talk chronic pain, burnout, “non-people days,” bartending as performance art, and why neighborhood bars might be one of the last real classrooms for learning how to be human in public.

It’s messy, funny, tender, and deeply honest, an ode to chosen family, dark humor, and choosing joy without pretending the darkness isn’t there.

Steve “Stevie” Lofgren

Steve “Stevie” Lofgren is a longtime Oakland/Alameda bartender, former punk drummer, and sometime actor with credits on shows like Nash Bridges, Party of Five, and the film EdTV. He’s spent decades in the motorcycle world, including years at San Francisco Harley, and even running his own shop. Equal parts curmudgeon and softie, Stevie is passionate about community, storytelling, and surviving rough beginnings with humor intact.

Resources & Mentions

💡 Key Takeaways

"Do you want to be the healthiest guy in the graveyard? No. But I’m also not trying to sprint to the finish line."

~ Steve

  • Grief can coexist with joy. You don’t “get over” loss—you learn to live with it and even laugh through the tears.

  • Growing up rough can still give you strong tools.Dysfunctional families and hard neighborhoods shaped resilience, dark humor, and a strong bullshit detector.

  • Independence isn’t loneliness. Choosing not to marry/have kids can be freedom, not failure—and you can build your own version of family.

  • Service work is emotional labor. Bartenders hold stories, manage energy, and quietly teach social skills to a whole generation.

  • Boundaries are survival tools. Chronic pain, “non-people days,” and saying no are crucial for staying functional and kind.


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